


Loving Thoughts

by Awishana



Series: Concepts, Poems, and Unfinished fics [1]
Category: Dragon Ball, Dragon Ball Z
Genre: Break Up, Childhood Memories, Death, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt, Emotions, F/M, Family, Fluffy, Friendship, Gohan dies, Grief, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Kinda, Lots of vent, Love, M/M, MY BABIES, Memories, Mental Breakdown, Multi, Multiple Pairings, Oh My God, Other, Platonic Relationships, Platonic Soulmates, RIP, References to Depression, Reunions, Sad, Sad Ending, Sad and Sweet, Sad with a Happy Ending, Short, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, Sweet, There gonna be together again, Unhealthy Relationships, Universe Alteration, eh, fluff?, multiple stories
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-26
Updated: 2018-04-19
Packaged: 2018-07-18 07:30:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 2,884
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7305352
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Awishana/pseuds/Awishana
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>[Ch.1 summary]<br/>Piccolo, being a Namek, has a much longer lifespan than Gohan, and being half-human had cut years off of his life. When Gohan passed, the other visited his grave site everday, for as long as possible. The hero's death hit hard for many, especially for Piccolo. </p>
<p>But the loss of his dearest friend wasn't the last, many of the Namek's close friends were lost due to time, and he mourned them all. </p>
<p>Torwards the end of Piccolo's own life, he visits the grave of his best friend one last time before being reunited with his lost family and friends.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Forever Young, Together

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry if it's not sad enough. I'm not all good with the emotion showing/putting into words stuff.
> 
> I hope you like this really short thingy! <3
> 
> [I'll try to fix any grammar errors asap!!!]

"The sky is beautiful tonight, isn't it?"  
"..."  
"Do you remember when we first met?"  
"... ..."  
"I do. It's become dusty over the years, but it's still there."  
"..."  
"I've grown soft since then. Though I suppose I don't mind it."  
"..."  
"Back then..you were the only one I had. My only family. You were so kind, even though I didn't treat you the best all the time."  
"..."  
"Your kindness brought more family. I ended up always having somewhere to stay."  
"... .."  
"It was tough for me growing up. With no one ever there. I often found myself doubting life's purpose, though I never knew why."  
"..."  
"But when I saw all the luxuries you had, how soft and spoiled you were, it irritated me. I had thought that you were just like every other."  
"..."  
"But then I learned that not everyone was the same, not everyone with a good life would be cruel to one that had a darker one. There was only one of each living being, only one of you. You showed me acceptance, _all_ I had ever wanted you had given. A family, and something to care for."  
"..... ..."  
"You proved that love had no ties, no boundaries. That even the most evil of people could change. _You_ changed me."  
"....."  
_a smile_  
"... ... .."  
"We had a good run. We were able to be there for eachother."  
"... .."  
"I know you care for me, and I care for you. I did everything I could to protect you. And I like to think that I did an decent job..."  
"..."  
"I miss you everyday, you are my everything. My brother, my friend, and my strength."  
"..."  
"Thank you. For everything. These last years without you have been rough, but everyone else and I have stuck close to get throught. Though it never stoped me from thinking about you. How young we used to be, how happy we were together."  
"...."  
"I'm sorry if I never showed much, or at all."  
"..."  
"In both of our minds, hearts, and dreams we will be forever young, together."  
"..."  
"Time can't break our bond."  
".... ...."  
* _sigh_ *  
"..."  
"I will see you again, this I know. Sooner or later, though probably sooner."  
"..."  
* _soft laughter_ *  
".. ..."  
"Wait for me, Gohan."  
"... ..."

 

_I will wait for you in our heaven, forever young._

_I shall wait for our eternity together, laughter and friends surrounding us. We will no longer have to leave eachother's sides. We will have everything, together._


	2. It Hurts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emotions man

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this has NOTHING to do with the previous chapter, this is just a really smol work I decided to dump here.
> 
> I might make this entire work dedicated to little things/poems that won't become independent stories in full detail.
> 
> Okay, the _italics_ represent Goku, the normal text represents Vegeta. Enjoy  <3  
> [Sorry if it sucks lol]

_You begged me to LOVE you, then told me to DIE._  
You've stripped me of everything, my PASSION and my PRIDE.  
_I gave you my everything, and was given HATE in return._  
You offered your HEART, and I snapped, tearing at the SEAMS.  
_I gave you IDEAS, and you laughed at my THOUGHTS._  
My title was removed, and burried with my PAST.  
_I wanted to HELP you, but you shoved me to the ground._  
I never figured out how badly my words KILLED you, until you were no where to be found.  
_I tried to hide the marks, but they can't be covered ANYMORE._  
I ignored the one that showed me more LOVE than any other.  
_You wanted to much from me, but never GAVE anything back._  
I wasn't BRAVE enough to love you BACK.  
_You seemed happier with everyone but ME._  
I counted the STARS, and forgot about my MOON.  
_My light is DIMMING, my hope is THINNING._  
I don't want to LOOSE you, I can't let you GO, but it's too LATE.  
_I'm sorry I wasn't ENOUGH._  
You were so much more than enough, I'm sorry I never APPRECIATED it.  
_Now we have no where to RUN, no where to HIDE._  
I can't cover the EMOTION showing through my eyes.

Because you're gone... and it hurts...


	3. The Death of a Lost Prince

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vegeta had his emotions smashed time after time, trying to be what everyone wanted him to be. After his relationship with Goku had ended, Vegeta never recovered. He had tried for years, slowly isolating himself in the process. His mind a blur, and uncomfortable thoughts at every turn, he gives up. He is alone, long gone to those he used to know.
> 
> This is the journal of his lost thoughts, him aimlessly trying to find what he's looking for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mkay so I'll try to explain this at the end??
> 
> Idk I wrote this in like an hour so it probs sucks. Be warned that this is extremely out of character and that it makes no sense.
> 
> [I'll fix grammar errors asap!]
> 
> I hope you enjoy this little bit.

I feel hollow,  
I am transparent,  
I feel myself slipping further into the gap between us.  
~~~  
Every thought, every day, every year, is of you. From even before we met. You've invaded my thoughts since the beginning of my life. First we were friends, then lovers, then friends, then...

I miss your words, how you never faltered. You stood tall and embraced life. Your smile was so bright, so beautiful, so...

Every day I return to our past, it repeats, and repeats, and repeats...

I know that it is unhealthy, but it doesn't stop. Everything I see has reminded me of a past memories, for years. Years and years have passed and I still am trapped in this time where life was sweet and your hand was holding mine.  
~~~  
You turned me around, so sudden, so smooth. You threw me around and held me tight, you tossed me through the air and blew me away.

On the edge of my rope I have been stuttering, teetering, collapsing. The same feeling has held me down for years, and I can't fight it anymore, can't ignore it, can't forget you...

I'm not weak, though I'm not strong. I refuse to be one, and refuse to accept the other. I thought that you would be there to catch me one last time, to hold me closer than ever before, even though you are no longer near. You will never return, never come back to me. You are gone forever, I cut you in half. And you burned me down. I pushed you away, and you made sure to mock the pain.  
~~~  
Broken, shattered porcelain, drifting through the abyss. I feel nothing, I haven't in a while. Lately, I have begun thinking about an end again. How should I end it, where, and when? It has come up in my thoughts more and more, the thought of no longer feeling this life-sucking guilt and remorse you stuck to me, truly drifting and never having to feel the weight of your memory again.  
~~~  
Relationships have all been tattered, ties have been cut. I am alone, you left me alone, with no where to go. It's my fault, all of it is. I'm going to finish it, this I promise to you.

I have decided, I am willing to complete the task. The only thing to figure out is if I should be discrete.  
~~~  
As much as I want to fade alone, never to be found, I know that maybe, just maybe, it could help you understand. I know you won't be harmed by it, in fact you might laugh, shred my emotions once more and mock me. I don't care if you shred this hope, or my body, I wouldn't be able to feel it anyway.  
~~~  
Today is the day, I don't know how soon I might be found. It could be today, or next week, but soon. I will miss remembering you. I will miss your voice over the phone, asking how I am doing and when I'll come back from where I've been hiding. I'll miss the memories of you. 

This release will be most sweet, sour, and soothing. Hot and itchy, cool and numb. 

I feel myself slipping for the last time..  
[]{}[]{}[]  


I prop myself against a wall, and look up at the sky. This will be my last sky, it reminds me of you. After every spar, how we would relax by gazing at its beauty. Laying side by side... just us... another unforgiving moment, constantly bringing a wave of numbing pain.  
_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_  
This is the end, the death, of a lost prince, who lost himself in the noise of the wind. The discovery of his death brought sadness to many, family and friends. What a shame, the colourless blender.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll try to explain??=
> 
> Vegeta and Bulma broke up sometime after Trunks was born, after Bulma ditched him, Vegeta kinda went in whatever direction he was pulled in, until Goku begins to take interest [he and Chi-Chi were still together]. Vegeta had truly connected to Goku throughout their time together.
> 
> When Chi-Chi finds out, they split, and Goku ends up leaving Vegeta for someone else. Goku ends up cheating numerous times on several partners, this hurt Vegeta to no extent. Thinking that he was nothing to Goku, worthless, he built up his emotions and struggled to not take it out on his "friends".
> 
> Vegeta begins to think that the others hate him, and that they don't want him around, he lost any reason to stay, and slowly began to isolate himself. They didn't really hate him, they were worried, but did nothing to help, their silence only worsened things.
> 
> This takes place years later, when Vegeta finally decides to put an end to his never ending humiliation and pain.


	4. A Constantly Mourning Widow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You always see Chi-Chi as a harpy, a cold and angry woman, but maybe she feels she has to act this way. So that no one will be able to read her. So that no one can see her emotion. 
> 
> She uses her anger to hide her sorrow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you like this lil thingy!! <3
> 
> [I'll fix grammar errors asap!!]

Do you know that you are my everything..?  
That even though you see me as stubborn and evil, you will always be my number one?  
Though I am...cruel at times, I only want to help.. I want us all to be happy, and live like a normal family.  
We are nothing near to normal.  
We are abstract, crazy, and strong, though I wanted the opposite.  
Serene, calm, soft, and warm.  
A happy family of four.  
But danger kept you away.  
And isolated you from me.  
Even death has taken your smile from me, though never for too long.  
I was a wreck, constantly crying, startving myself, wishing to stop this pain.  
Father would always try to help me, but he knew he could not.  
Then you'd come back, only to leave again.  
You left me through my pregnancy with our second son.  
In time I needed you the most you had left me, you had left us.  
I know you didn't want to, but it still hurt.  
But I stayed strong, as strong as I could for us, and our family.  
I never get much company, my father is the only frequent visitor I have.  
He worries so much.  
I miss us, and I miss you even more.  
I get so angry when you try to leave, because I know how much it'll hurt when you're gone again.  
It'll hurt knowing you won't think of me.  
I'll stay strong, no matter how much you hurt me, damage us.  
I'll be by your side, wearing my worn mask that adorns the me that you know so well.  
I wish you knew me now.  
Would you apologize?  
Would you leave me?  
Would you peice me back together again?  
Who would want a constantly mourning widow? Who isn't actually quite a widow, but who mourns the absence of her never present mate.

She mourns the dead love.  
She mourns the joy she once felt.  
She mourns the respect she has lost.  
She mourns the ties that have been broken.

_She mourns all her loses, yet no one ever sees her truly weep._  
Truly free her emotion.  
Truly feel. 


	5. Cheers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Uhm well this is just where there was an incident, Vegeta had killed Bulma while having an episode in his sleep. 
> 
> Goku was Vegeta's one support after her death, they soon became lovers. Their relationship was very toxic for Vegeta, though Goku didn't understand.
> 
> Goku throws salt in the wound by ending it. Vegeta, drowning in suicidal thoughts and depression, is preparing fo- you get the picture [I hope, if not I've failed.]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you like this one!
> 
> I wrote this on a spur of raging emotion so please forgive me if it sucks.
> 
> [I'll try to fix grammar errors asap!] <3

Breathe  
Please try to calm down  
Calm down  
Calm...  
Don't hurt them  
Don't think  
Don't exist

It's too much  
The air is too thick  
I can't breathe  
I'm drowning in my  
Shame  
Regret  
Anger  
Self-loathing  
_Vegeta please relax! I was kidding okay!?_  
No no no  
It was all true  
There were no lies in your words  
I'm a monster  
I have an ugly personality  
I'm untrustworthy  
No one can ever love  
The only one that did is dead

Your love is fake  
Your words are toxic  
You bring me down just so you can yank me back up  
Over and over  
The cycle repeats  
And I keep falling for you anyway

I should disappear  
So I never have to appear  
Drown my self in pain  
And be in bliss  
I should be destroyed  
Ripped apart  
Crushed  
I deserve it

My anger is taking over  
Stop stop please stop  
I can't can't can't stop it  
Please let me die  
Let me go  
Drop me  
Strangle me  
End me  
_Kill me_

It's all an illusion  
No one cares  
_Hey..I love you._  
No you don't  
Stop lying to me  
If you cared then why did you let this happen to me?  
It's my own fault, I know.  
I made who I am so I'm the one who has to finish it.  
_I HATE this! Why are you always like THIS! What did I do!? I HATE YOU._  
Yes yes yes you do  
You hate me  
No more lies  
This is the truth  
Say it again  
_Say it_

You can't  
You've walked away  
You've left me on the ground, bloody and weakened  
Why didn't you finish me  
I guess I have to do it myself after all.

It's funny  
What a joke  
Cheers  
Cheers to our laughter  
Cheers to our pain  
Cheers to this poison  
Cheers to us  
Cheers to our past and never ending hell  
Cheers to death  
Cheers to this joke, what a funny funny funny joke 

_But I mustn't forget, cheers to you most of all, Kakarott_


	6. A Dynamite Soldier

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A lone male nurse is hired amoung the floods of women rushing to aid the soldiers, determined to run away from the burdens of work in the homeland. A war is at hand. And Vegeta is constantly on the clock. He had built a steady relationship with another nurse at their station, Bulma. But once she decides to go back home and have a family, a new patient in dastardly condition is shipped in. A true warrior of the feild, recognized as a valient soldier not even bombs could kill. This troop is brought in in a coma, and Vegeta is stationed as his all around care taker. Oh...what could possibly happen...will he ever wake up?
> 
> Vegeta was kidnapped from his home as a kid by the Freezan army and sold as a slave to their leader, Freeza, a cruel dictator of their land. He worked for his family's lives, only to have them killed anyway. He ran away, and when he was a young adult, joined the rebellion group, they called themselves the Sayains. Then he was moved to the field as a documentor and a nurse once war spurred on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, from 2015. I still actually like the concept, but I doubt I'll ever work on it again. So here it goes:

Cries and shouts of exploded throughout the medical tents. Nurses were scrambling past with clipboards and bags full of blades, injured fighters rested along the floors and walls. One nurse in particular was in a hurry, a soldier that had been brought in recently fell into a coma, barely hanging on. This nurse has been told to take care of this fighter full time. He is seen as important to everyone, so why hasn't Vegeta been told his name yet? It's his patient! But it can't be helped, he'd rather be in a coma himself than be interested in someone elses life.

Vegeta entered the small closed off section of the medical tent for those in need of intensive care. The only walls being the flimsy curtains, with an uncomfortable looking bed smack in the center, surrounded with various life support devices and tubes pumping medicine into the patients veins. The patient... He seemed extremely off to Vegeta. 

He took a good look at him. The nurse felt a kind vibe envelope him, a soft but pained look on the fighter's face. He didn't know how to feel about his knew 24-7 pal, but he started with checking the temperature of... whatever his name is. Vegeta looked at him with a thinking glare _..how about..um.. Kakarot?_ The name was one that the nurse had heard before, and it seemed to fit. _Kakarot...Kaka- okay enough of that._ Vegeta scrambled for fresh blankets and tucked them around Kakarot. The nurse didn't seem to notice anything needed adjusted or changed, since a previous nurse had done just about everything for him already. Vegeta was only in charge of monitoring him, other nurses and doctors would come to make sure everything is functional.

The nurse sat down upon a plastic chair, placed in the small room just for him, and looked around. It wasn't long before he couldn't help but inspect Kakarot's face. He was still coated in sut and soil from the outdoors, his hair was an uncombed mess with dirt smeared in the thick black strands. Vegeta stood and soaked a small hand towel with the nearby sink, and scrubed Kakarot's face as gently as possible. He then set a dry towel under the unconscious man's head and filled a pail with clean water. The nurse massaged the dirt out of his hair, mentally enraged to find himself ever showing such affection to someone. Maybe it was pity.. 

He dumped the bucket now filled with dark, mucky water out onto the grass, ignoring the stange stares from the fighters resting outside. The short nurse huffed to himself and hurried back to his patient's room. Ever since all of the female recuits started pouring in, the men began to shift around to tougher position to strengthen other areas of importance. A male nurse was now a bit out of place. But Vegeta was forced to stay as an aide for the sake of documenting the feed he recieved from this perspective of the war. Hours ticked by with no change of behavior from Kakarot. The only sounds were the whirring of the machines along with the monitor's beeping. Kakarot's breathe was steady, he seemed so vulnerable like this, to imagine him being an elite fighter seemed impossible. 

Vegeta's train of thought was interrupted by the curtain being jarshly pulled to the side and a woman peeking her head through. "The head doctor said that you can leave for the day if you wish.  Though you are welcome to stay here, to be blunt I think staying in these areas is much better and cleaner than the tents we get. But uhm...That should be all, bye for now." And she left as quickly as she came. Clean was an overstatement.

The nurse quickly stood and gathered his things, he looked to the sleeping fighter and left the tent. He was not going to stay in the sick people tent, nope, not this man. It would be too weird for him to handle, even thought his roommate wouldn't know he's there. Or would he? Vegeta wondered all the way to his tent, with many others already resting inside, about Kakarot. _Is he even aware in his state? Can he hear and feel and does he try to speak to me?_

The short nurse tried his best to shake his thoughts of this mystery patient and slipped under the thin blankets that failed to provide him with warmth. His attempts failed, as his dreams consisted of what Kakarot would look and sound like fully awake.

The next two weeks came and went with the same routine, check the machines and refill supplies, and clean the area for his unconscious patient. It was awfully boring, but he was still sure to get the job done, documenting every moment. Vegeta even learned Kakarot's real name from one of the nurses. It was Goku, but the short nurse still preferred Kakatot. He still had dreams of Kakarot, too. He didn't understand why, it was unnecessary. He hates that he even began to care for his patient, mumbling to him when he was sure no one else was nearby, fixing his sheets and his clothes, even looking at him for lengthy amounts of time, having to slap himself or stomp away whenever he caught himself.

It was hard for him _not to care_. The mumblings the warrior emitted in his sleep, the sudden drops and rises in health. And especially the guy's reputation. While Vegeta desperately wanted to hate him in spite of it all, he just couldn't help but respect him, even though he didn't even know the guy placed into his care. 

................................

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hahahhahahah
> 
>  
> 
> Anyway what I'm working on right now is a lot.. but I think I have one more fic left to put here. It was a request I started YEARS ago and found recently. I'm actually continuing to work on it, and hope to finish it soon.

**Author's Note:**

> Hahahahahahhah (Ahhhh my tenses are weird I'm sorry..)
> 
> I hope you liked it!! <3


End file.
